Dead Check

DEAD CHECK

Hands Up Those Who Would Love To Dead Check This Lot

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Dead checking, the national sport of the U.S.Military, is to be made an official Olympic sport. Well, if synchronised swimming can make it, anything can! Each participating country will need to provide 50 wounded prisoners who must still be alive at the start of the contest. Bonus points are given for dead checking undertaken within view of an embedded journalist.

Anybody caught doing The Hustle, or in any other way 'getting down' will be dealt with severely by the Management of this website.

All Up Quarks and related sub-Planck particles are thoroughly washed in Quantum Foam prior to deployment on this website. Photons are specially polished for your viewing pleasure.

In the United Kingdom, E = MC² + V.A.T.

For your comfort and protection, a genetic profile of this website has been compiled and recorded. If you are sexually molested whilst browsing here, please report to the front desk for a medical examination.

Microfart today announced they had successfully patented air, so all you open source breathers out there better be careful!

Until further notice, visitors to this site must comply with Einstein's General and Special Theories of Relativity. Anyone caught warping or beaming will be dealt with under Texas State Jaywalking Laws and be executed, or compacted to the Planck Length, which is currently outside Einstein's jurisdiction.

King George the Dubberyar and Donald Graf von Rumsfeld today announced that all non ultra-right wing thoughts, ideas, and principles, had 48 hours to leave this website. Failure to comply will result in a visit from those brave masked and hooded lads from the Klueless Klux Klan.

Aliens reporting here for Sith training are reminded that it is not polite for methane breathers to walk around the city with their breathing apparati hovering near human backsides, nor shall those from the Planet Hutt be seen in public with a dancing girl on the end of a chain. Oh, yes, and no disintegrations!

Have you ever wondered to yourself whether Obi-wan Kenobi and Luke Skywalker dead-checked those Jawas before throwing them on the bonfire?

The Neocons have decided to have shot all those people whose political position is the the left of their own position. By our calculations, that will leave the Earth with a population of 27.